Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Someone recently asked me: "Domestic partnerships are almost the same as marriage, why the need for marriage?"

Under California State law, a heterosexual couple may also enter into a Domestic Partnership. So, try this: Inform your girlfriend that you've decided you'd like to enter into a Domestic Partnership with her, instead of marriage. I am certain that she will be able to explain the HUGE difference between the two realities in a far more forceful and colorful way than, I would ever be able to accomplish.

Just one friendly word of advice from someone who used to play hockey in High School, you should put on an athletic supporter with a protective cup before having the aforementioned conversation with your girlfriend. 


Anonymous said...

Father Farrow - Thanks for taking the giants steps that you have, you are an inspiration to all of us gay men and lesbians who have reluctantly left the Catholic Church due to its stand on homosexuality and now on Prop 8. We're told to proclaim the good news and to love, yet as a group we're told to stay silent and live in fear by the very Church that says it's there to protect and welcome us. That's no way to worship.

Since the middle of June, i have attended the weddings of over a dozen friends. In every occasion, the couples had been together 10, 15 or up to 30 years. These are people who long ago made their decisions to make a life together, and most have had their own commitment ceremonies and/or receptions at some point along the line.

However, to a person, they all have said that to actually get married and have it recognized and legitimized by the State, means so much more than any domestic partnership or separate but equal arrangement could ever.

To hear the proclamation "By the power vested in me by the State of California, I now pronounce you spouses for life" after proclaiming your commitment in front of a group of friends and families, and to have it sealed by the State - it's a whole new re-affirmation of the relationship.

Too bad the Church doesn't want to sanction these unions, it's missing out on some of the most beautiful, happiest and blessed moments. San Francisco City Hall is a wonderful place to be these days. The joy in the air is palpable.

One short clarification to your post today - straight couples are allowed to enter into State registered domestic partnerships only if one of the partners is over the age of 62.

However, your advice on putting on the cup was appropriate.

Please keep fighting the good fight.

Anonymous said...

Oh excellent, Geoff! Speaking as a woman, you got it right.

Filius de Paulus said...

Curious why the Church is against domestic partnerships or civil unions so long as it doesn't infringe upon the Church's authority to grant marriage to it's communicants. I am a Catholic, I don't think our nation has the authority to grant marriage as marriage is a sacrament, a religious terms, so as for this non religious state, why can't all be equal under the law, it's like when black couldn't marry whites because we were 3/5 of a person. I just don't understand?!

Lauralew said...

Great comparison, Fr. Geoff! Thanks for this blog. Peace be with you!

WifeandMom said...

Domestic Partnership is NOT the same thing as marriage. If it were, there wouldn't be the need for the different name! This whole issue is about EQUAL RIGHTS and allowing Domestic Partnerships instead of marriage is NOT EQUAL.

For all those hard-headed people who think that God defined marriage as only between a man and a woman, realize that God also LOVES US ALL, whether you're gay or straight. So, why is it that people think that a God who loves all wouldn't want all of his children to have the same opportunities for love and marriage?

Kimmers said...

Fr. Geoff - you didn't warn us that you had a wicked sense of humor. Protective cup - holy moley it's so true!

The Honourable Husband said...


jmKelley said...

During their 25 years together, Frank and Dan have adopted a series of AIDS babies whom no one else would care for, and all of whom eventually died. This couple gave these babies more love in their short lifetimes on earth than most children will ever receive.

More recently, Frank and Dan adopted a pair of brothers out of foster care who had been unimaginably abused by their natural (heterosexual) parents. The brothers were given a stable, loving home, and after much psychotherapy, they are now normal, happy teenagers. Again, no one else would adopt these two boys, only a heroic gay couple.

If theirs is not an authentic marriage in the eyes of God, what is?

If we are to judge a tree by its fruit, how flourishing is the tree of Frank and Dan’s marriage, and how poisonous is the tree of homophobia.

Real life examples like these illustrate the truth of Saint Mychal Judge’s question, ”Is there so much love in the world that we can afford to discriminate against any kind of love ?!”

Kay & Sarah said...

Way to go!! Sometimes humor can make a point better than a long explanation.

Anonymous said...

You know the 'Bishop's Annual Appeal' is going to be hitting our mailboxes soon...we normally make a sizable donation, and certainly everyone can do what they want.....but I am located in the Fresno area and this year I very much intend to make it known to Bishop Steinbock of my displeasure on this mixing of politics into our life with Christ.

Anonymous said...

What I find interesting is that Christians are outright lying in an attempt to pass Prop 8.


If it were truly not about hate, they wouldn't be telling lies.

Anonymous said...

I have a dear friend currently struggling financially since the death of her spouse. re: not married in the eyes of the state, who could recognize the marriage if they'd been able to legally marry prior to her partner's terminal illness. now she must survive on one income and no social security or retirement.

Bill said...

Good argument, and it was thoughtful of you to include advice on protective wear.

I could be wrong, but it always seems that the folks who think 'separate, but equal' is a grand policy are the people who already have what they want to deny others.

grgrdsfvtgrg said...

That's an excellent way to put it into perspective.

Rich of Mount Joy PA said...

I have prayed to God every day since I realized that I was different from the rest of the world. I have grown tired from the fighting inside my soul. So tired that I attempted twice to end my life. I have been living to please the world around me, rather than the other way around. Today I pray for the courage and strength to continue living in their lie. I have no one I can rely on or trust with my inner most thoughts. Please continue your fight for all of us who are not as brave as you are. Mount Joy PA