tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2850096231666604.post1879228433555052819..comments2023-07-01T00:39:39.762-07:00Comments on Father Geoff Farrow: Sleight of handFather Geoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03904564207135202567noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2850096231666604.post-85598885968600582392012-10-06T14:51:36.722-07:002012-10-06T14:51:36.722-07:00I lost my lover of 30 years who was a catholic pri...I lost my lover of 30 years who was a catholic priest....I am 56 years old and I wish I had someone to talk to....I miss him terribly and I can relate to many of the people who have commented here...<br />Hang in there AND DON'T GIVE UP..Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2850096231666604.post-23980568786445470542010-12-11T00:07:59.898-08:002010-12-11T00:07:59.898-08:00Dear DPL,
I was a Chaplain in the US Air Force; t...Dear DPL,<br /><br />I was a Chaplain in the US Air Force; there are many people who cannot come “out” without the destruction of their career and a loss of their income. My therapist pointed out to me that many professionals (e.g. attorneys, physicians, etc) who would have their practices suffer if they were to come “out.” <br /><br />I do not intend any of this to justify living one’s life in shame, nor do I advocate living a double life. However, it must be understood that many LGBTQ people throughout history and even today find themselves living in fear. Most of us learned deception as a survival skill. The cost of this deception is self-loathing and ultimately this is a Faustian contract. Each of us is at a different point of self-acceptance and for the vast majority of us; this is a life long process and not an “event.” <br /><br />Love is a selfless decision to place the loved one and their needs, hopes and dreams on par with, or even above your own. Loving another means building the loved one up, encouraging him/her and at times it also means challenging him/her. I believe that it was Oscar Wilde who said, “You can judge the character of a man not in how he speaks to his enemies, but in how he speaks to his friends.”<br /><br />There are times when loving the other entails risking the relationship itself for the sake and well being of the other. I recall a woman married to an alcoholic; she decided to separate from him until he sought help for his alcoholism. <br /><br />There are no easy answers, no simple solutions to the complex developmental, emotional and psychological issues each of us face. Having said all of that, your own mental, emotional, psychological and spiritual health is also important. As airline flight safety instructions clearly indicate, you must place your oxygen mask on before doing so for others. If not, both of you could asphyxiate. <br /><br />My advice is that you speak with a competent therapist about your own process. After a several sessions, you may both find it helpful to go to couples therapy and discuss these issues.Father Geoffhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03904564207135202567noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2850096231666604.post-65195118559161379792010-11-24T09:42:42.687-08:002010-11-24T09:42:42.687-08:00Fr Geoff, I am a gay man in a long term relations...Fr Geoff, I am a gay man in a long term relationship with a Catholic priest. Although I am out, I can't talk to anyone, gay or straight, about our relationship for fear of outing him. I get very depressed and lonely at times and wish I had someone to talk to. I came across your blog while looking for any kind of support for people in relationships with priests. I understand how taboo this is, and that there probably isn't any support for people like me.<br /><br />It is sad that I feel the need to say this, but, for the record, I am not a minor. My partner is not a pedophile. He has never had sex with a minor.<br /><br />DPL (depressed priest lover)DPLnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2850096231666604.post-81720038267880528802010-11-19T11:50:49.659-08:002010-11-19T11:50:49.659-08:00As an outside observer, it seems to me that the Ca...As an outside observer, it seems to me that the Catholic strictures against married priests is more detrimental towards marriage than any same-sex union could be. I once dated a young man who was torn between service to the Church and wanting to get married and raise a family; we ultimately broke up because of this. He later did get married, but I have to wonder if he was ever truly happy.Roberta K.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2850096231666604.post-11250464363849979432010-11-14T14:54:36.938-08:002010-11-14T14:54:36.938-08:00Recently I found myself trying to explain to a non...Recently I found myself trying to explain to a non-Catholic what an annulment actually means in Catholic theory and practice. As I did so, I experienced that familiar split-brain thing that used to happen to me when I explained a Catholic position that made sense within its own Catholic context but which made little sense to someone whose worldview was different. This was always particularly frustrating when that person’s worldview seemed to be the one based on real life experience and the Catholic position, neat though it might be in and of itself, appeared to have nothing to do with the world in which people actually live and breathe and have their being.<br /><br />I flashed back to an experience in a moral theology class in seminary. As the professor droned on and on about whatever the issue was – most likely something to do with artificial birth control – the word “epicycles” came into my mind. The professor, in defending the traditional Catholic position, sounded like a Ptolemaic astronomer who posited circles going around circles going around fixed points orbiting other fixed points – all as a way of making the observable facts of planetary motion fit the accepted theory that all movement in the heavens was perfectly circular, when anyone who looked could see that the planets were in fact not moving in perfect circles. The epicycles thing all made sense once you grasped it, and it even worked as a mathematical model. It was, however, simply wrong.<br /><br />More and more, when I read about Church statements on issues of sexuality, relationships and marriage – straight or gay – I hear it still echoing in my ears: “Epicycles, epicycles, epicycles.”Michael Doddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00942287172727040371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2850096231666604.post-71306751405938296562010-11-10T01:18:43.308-08:002010-11-10T01:18:43.308-08:00As always, Geoff, a lucid and cogent argument.
I...As always, Geoff, a lucid and cogent argument. <br /><br />It shocks me how blatantly the Church seeks to rewrite history. The murder of 4184 priests under Franco was both sinful and tragic. So was the murder of tens of thousands of others under Franco. Many were political opponents of the Catholic Church, so we hear no mention of them from the Pope. <br /><br />I shudder to think of those murdered with the Church's blessing and often active participation, during the Spanish Inquisition. It was a similar number, I understand, and many, many more were hounded and harassed. <br /><br />Has the Church ever been held to account for these war crimes, these hate crimes, these crimes against humanity? <br /><br />No more than had Franco.The Honourable Husbandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05234119524600114890noreply@blogger.com